10 Years on

Just sat minding my own...well actually browsing through ASOS with the telly on in the background and I see my back surgeon from 10 years ago.

BBC 2 Hospital series 3 a documentary on Nottingham QMC hospital around the time of a bed crisis. A young boy of 12 was about to undergo a spinal fusion by the best surgeon Micheal Grevitt (my doctor). The documentary was a brilliant insight into how the NHS is suffering. Staff overworked, patients distressed waiting for beds, treatment and then a lack of social care funding. An experience I didn't have 10 years ago. The program brought back some memories, least to say some painful memories - literally painful.

August 2007 I went to QMC to have the biggest operation I'd ever had or probably will ever have. I make myself laugh to be honest because now at 26 I'd be shitting myself but not at 16 -  bitch be fearless! Obvz I was nervous but I was optimistic almost unbeatable! My mum looked petrified...the woman is scared of hospitals, you only have to say vein or blood and she's on the floor 😂.

When I arrived they took me to do a few more tests that they didn’t do or didn't get enough information from in my pre-op. They put these circle sticker pad things all over my chest and on my back that were wired up to some sort of machine that beeped a lot - really good information here. At this point I was feeling more nervous, it absolutely battered when she ripped the stickers off and I was thinking well if I’m in pain now God knows how I will feel after a 14 hour operation! The machine was to monitor the nerves in my spine or lack of nerves that I have!

I got put in a room and told to have a shower so that I am all prepped for the morning. Then a nurse came in, with results of the machine thingy from earlier, “the results showed that we would not be able to monitor your spinal nerves whilst operating therefore there is a high chance you will be paralysed afterwards”. .... fan-bloody-tastic 🙄.

I mean I'm 16 and I'm told i might end up paralysed from an operation I'VE GOT TO HAVE… What the hell was I supposed to do with that information? Obviously sign a piece of paper to say that was okay go through with the operation anyway - I’d already showered by this point!

The nurse said that I could eat before going to sleep, looking at my blurry eyed mother I told her I wanted a Pot Noodle... not my best choice for a possible last supper, I blame the stress! I should’ve said Chinese or McDonald’s 😂. 

Longest night ever! It was time, I was all gowned up and on the bed being rolled down to theatre, well the anaesthetics room before you going to theatre. I told them I wanted gassing not injections because I was terrified of needles at the time… In hindsight, the least of my worries. As I inhaled to the gas I whispered to my Ma and Pa “I *inhale gas* want *inhale again * an iPod” *knocked out*! "😂

Obviously I don’t remember what my mum said once I was knocked out but apparently she said to my stepdad " I don’t even know what an iPod is!!".

Now I didn’t feel the operation however I was woken up a few times during to make sure that they hadn’t cut through a vital nerve and that I could still wiggle my feet. Only thing I remember is a really bright light and people screaming at me to move my feet!

I came round, everything was spaced out...I suppose the morphene 🙄. I was in ICU for a few days, smacked off my tits on pain medication talking absolute bollocks - not much different now tbh. 

The recovery took weeks! I couldn’t shower because of the wound on my back, so I was repping an Amy Winehouse beehive 😳 swear I heard a bird in there! And to add to the drama I came on my bloody period (pun intended 😒). 

I was recommended  4  weeks  to get back to "normal", but I was determined to start college at the same time as everyone else. Which actually gave me 2 fucking weeks to whip myself into shape. 
One of the hardest parts was learning how to move with a ton of scaffolding in my back! Using a rotunder, which is a metal frame turny thing that helped me transfer from seats. The old battered one I got delivered was squeaky and literally sounded like that murder scene from Psycho! Was glad to see the back of the bloody thing! But I did it, I pushed myself and achieved my goal, I started college with everyone else.

Months later, scrolling through my mums phone (out of boredom) and there was a dodgy picture of me in a gown fast asleep. I asked mum why she took and she said "I wanted a picture of you before the op...just incase". And thats when it hit me how big this operation was - shit got real.

And thats it! Push yourself, give yourself something to focus on and fight until you achieve. 

Before                                                                                                                          After